This isn't what I had intended to post today, but then again I didn't intend to be home today.e So this may be a whole gaggle of random. According to Urgent Care, Rowen has the plague, aka Pink eye, so we are spending the day at home today.
My favorite part of the day thus far has been the two times that I have had to forcibly hold him down while he screams bloody murder all in the pursuit of getting one drop in each eye. This may have driven me to call Hubs T Rivera this morning at 530 in an emotional state of distress, hoping that if he heard both me and Rowen crying hysterically he would say "screw work, I'm going home to my family." But alas he did not, and I had to put my big girl pants on again for dose two. Thankfully I learned bribing him with a veggie pouch distracts him from the fact that I'm pulling his eyelids apart, and I was able to give him the one two punch pretty quick.
The day hasn't been a total wash since I can get some errands done and get our packing done for the weekend, but every time I play hooky from work for my sick baby I feel like I don't really have a grasp on this whole working mom thing. He is and will always be my top priority. But when I stay home, I feel like I'm not doing my job well/my job cannot survive without me (which oddly I don't feel when I'm on vacation, and believe me it can survive and will.)
It may be because I have rarely had to take a sick day myself but without fail I get the feeling on days like this. And it just so happens that while my baby hasn't been an ear infection baby, he does seem to get every type of virus that prevents him from attending daycare ~ which I will happily take over ear infections any day. It also doesn't help that our support system, aka the families, are thousands of miles away. I simply can't drop him at grandma's on sick days and be on my merry way to work.
Its days like this that make me doubt our decision for me to work. While I couldn't of been a stay at home mom when Rowen was born ( I had two more years of my commitment left), I now only have a year of committed time left, but we have committed ourselves to being a dual income family. There is a lifestyle we want, a barbie dream house that I often whine about, and a future for our family that we need to plan for, and in doing so, I need to be a working money contributing member. Woe is me.
That doesn't mean that doubts and fears don't pop into my head. Like today when I sat there worrying that if Rowen was home with me he wouldn't of gotten pink eye, when in reality he could of just as easily gotten it at the park on one of our "What I would do all day if I were a SAHM" daily park trips. Which in reality would probably look more like how I spent my day today~running doing errands, and just now sitting down with my first cup of coffee and Luna bar, baby napping, dogs snoring, and the soft hum of my energy efficient wash machine in the background.
And believe me this is not me in anyway knocking SAHMs, every time I see one of you in target on one of my random days off where I get to pretend I'm in "the club," I turn pretty green with envy imagining how magical it must be to be a SAHM. I realize its not just that, its also work, and its hard work.
On a different note, along with Pink Eye 2012, I had to wash all of Rowen's bedding including his beloved stuffed golden retrievers, big dog and little dog (yes I know we are creative name geniuses, at least Rowen's name is unique.) As I was throwing them into the wash machine I had a flash back to when I was six years old and my mom would forcibly make me wash my best friend the Cabbage Patch James. While I don't think I minded getting James cleaned, it was the fact that I thought of him being locked in the air tight wash machine and that he was going to drown (as if he was a living breathing person) once she started the spin cycle. Funny thing is, I had the exact same thoughts last night about little dog and big dog when I was throwing them into the wash. I may have to start thinking of a way to explain this whole washing lovies life crisis to Rowen so that one day when he asks me what I'm doing he doesn't get a complex that I'm drowning his friends.
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